Valentines Day

I have suffered many Valantines Days in a relationship.

Sitting opposite someone who is dribbling steak juice down their face while my little vegetarian heart tries not to mind.

Eating so much food and drinking so much alcohol that the prospect of getting laid is furthest from my mind.

Trying to leave the washing up until the morning, even though I know it will be so much harder to remove teh crusted on remnanats of the food.

This Valentines day I was single.

So single in fact that I forgot it WAS Valentines Day.

The memory of bieng left sitting alone in that pub as my husband went to meet his other woman, the memory of being forced to get 2 bus home in the cold dark and rain, they’d all but left me until Facebook popped up with its ‘on this day’.

But this Valentines Day was perfect.

My heart was set on some shoes.

They’re not to everyones taste, but then, neither am I .

The  tickets were booked the night before.

At 5.30 am  I launched myself out of bed and took the car part of the way, caught a bus to Colmore Row, walked to Digbeth coach station.

There was a little  over 3 hours for my knee to recover and I settled down to nap on the freezing coach.

I awoke, took a painkiller – the ones that make my hair drop out, but this was a serious business.

The coach arrived at  Victoria coach station at around 10.30,  walked to London Victoria, stood in a cue for 30 minutes for information, then set off to the undergroud.

London Vic to Warren Street, changing for the Northern line and Camden.

So far so good.

I rang the shop where the objects of my affection were being held and off I went.

Let me tell you, it was like walking into PARADISE!

All the clothes I had lusted after on the website were set before me.

Rushing around like a child, picking things up, holding them against me, almost whirling with excitment.

The staff were delightful.

I was on form.

This years must have coat was tried on.

This had been reduced so far that it was in my budget – but I didn’t suit it, so with relief, I put it back,.

My shoes were collected and I also bought them some friends.

Mission acconmplished!

Now Dear Reader, I had a large bag containing shoe boxes, my handbag, which I threw over my chest like a child with a satchel and a walking stick.Juggling these, I made muy way down the vast number of stairs back to the platform at Camden, where my journey was retraced.

The problem now was that there was over 2 hours until the return journey – and I was cold.

Starbucks for a coffee then sitting for an hour in the train station, people watching.

Quite enjoyable.

Off the coach, it was warm this time.

The journey was going well until we had to pick up passengers from a broken down coach, so the rest of the hourney was completed with my shoes on my knee, my handsbag on top of that and my feet on tiptoe.

Needless to say, by the time we pulled in, we were over half an hour late and I was exhausted.

Although it pained me greatley, I disguarded my day saver and hopped into a taxi.

It dropped me at my car.

On arrival, I  had tea and hot vegetable soup.

It was the perfect end to the day.

I can say with my hand on my heart that this has been the best Valentines Day EVER

(And the shoes were worth it)

 

The further musings of a terminally single woman

I’ve been rather neglectful of my ramblings for quite a while now.

I bared my sould so completley that it’s taken a long time to heal from the shock of it all.

But as you were all kind enough to stick with me through my darkest months, that turned into years, I thought I’d givbe you some insight into how my brain is fuctioning nowadays.

I’ve been singled now for almost 3 years 8 months.

I’m not actually counting still, but as I know the exact date it only takes a moment to work it out.

Now, the other day I had a ‘moment’.

This moment comprised of me thinking to myself that it may be a good idea if I considered ‘dating’ again.

I quickly pulled myself back from the alternative reality to where my mind had taken me.

After all, in the time I’ve been single, I’ve managed many strides forward.

Including the stride where I decided that after four decades of drinking, I thought I might like some time off from it.

This has proved ot be a very good decision and while I’m not saying I’ll never drink again, I’m saying that right now I’m just fine without it.

Now, dating.

The reason I decided against it was thus.

I am in the minority amongst my friends.

They are almost all married or in a relationship.

However, of all those people, I can only think of 3 I consider to be truly happy.

Well, more often than they’re not and one of those couples doesn’t live together.

So in reality, the chances of finding myself in a happy relationship are minimal.

Having made this decision, I am releived.

I am releived that I can continue to cook what I want without consultation.

Even better, I will never have to wash underwear that doesn’t belong to me again

 

 

Cooking from scratch

The hustle & bustle of a busy kitchen.

How I’ve missed it.

Do you remember when this was all I talked about?

Drop the husband to work.

Decide what I was cooking on the way home and then make it.

Of course, it hasn’t been that way for a while.

I seemed to loose heart in the whole proccess and who can be surprised, really?

The whole 1950’s housewife was my ‘thing’.

But being a housewife can be slightly difficult without a husband.

Well, Dear Reader, he’s been gone 42 months – that’s 31/2 years and I#m feeling much better about it all.

I say much better.

I rarely give it/him a thought nowadays.

So, I was sorting through my cupboards and I have so much food that iu haven’t eaten.

Dry goods. I mean – how much Ainsley Harriot cous cous does one household need?

This made me think.

I may just as well throw my money straight into the bin if I plan to carry on like this, so I made a decision.

The decision was this.

With a minimal amount of shopping, just fresh goods, I plan to see how many tasty meals I can make.

Bedsit living.
If anyone out there remembers what a bedsit is.

So far I’m feeling quite pleased with myself – and apart from pasta bake, we haven’t had the same thing twice.

I’ve found joy in cooking again – and it’s only taken me 31/2 years

 

 

 

 

Women of a certain age

When I was young, I used to see girls with older men.

I also used to see a lot of single older women.

In my niavety, I beleived that this was because men prefered younger women.

Whilst this may actually be the case, I’ve also made a discovery.

It began with the discocvery that I LIKED being single.

That I liked being emotionally responsiible for just me.

The discovery spread, as I discoverd women of a certain age enjoy it too.

We’ve done our bit.

We’ve been married.

We’ve had our children.

We kept house and worked and cleared up after our significat other.

Now is our time.

To sit around in our underclothes, reading and drinking coffee.

With nowhere to go unless we please.

And no-one to please but ourselves.

My friends who are often also women of a certain age are all adamant that if they were to become single,  they too would stay that way.

It’s a revelation.

A revolution.

It’s pleasing ourselves.

 

 

 

Dress Code

I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster for the last few years.

Last week the roller coaster turned a corner and I fell out of the cart.

I’m sitting, with my legs out in front of me, covered in confusion.

So I’ve stood up, dusted myself off and started to look around.

It’s  a different world out there.

Different to the one I left when I was forced onto that roller coaster.

Not better, not worse, just different.

I#ve started to take care of myself a little bit.

Not much but it’s a start.

I’m taking my beautiful dresses out of the wardrobe and I’m giving them an airing.

I’m putting them onto the internet, because they deserve to be seen.

I’m accepting impromptu invitations.

I’m having visitors.

I’m enjoying interation with other humans.

This is a novelty.

I haven’t enjoyed anything for such a long time.

Not food, not alcohol, and not company.

But the dresses, the dresses have saved me.

They are bright and they are beautiful and that’s exactly how I am begining to feel again.

 

 

 

 

The day I became invisible

I don’t think I became invisible today.

I don’t think i became invisible yesterday.

I’m not sure when it happened.

I can look in the mirror and i can see me staring back.

But I don’t think anyone else can see me.

Not anymore.

I have reached ‘That’ age

 

 

Voting choices

Well, tomorrow is the BIG day.

If you are still wondering who you will vote for, please think about a few things.

Unless you are on a large wage, what do the Tories have to offer you?

They are selling off our NHS at this very moment.

The are making sure that your children start their adult life in debt.

They are selling/have sold our infrastructure. We don’t own our own water, electricity or even our nuclear power.

They have sold of our railways and privatised other forms of public transport.

Even leading economists are saying that Labours economic policies are viable.

Tories remain uncosted.

Don’t like Corbyn?

Vote for the policies.

.Leaderships change.

Look at May, an unelected PM.

Please don’t think that they’re all the same.

Vote for the party that will take care of the people.

Yourself and less fortunate.

Vote for a party who have no plans to rip up the human rights charter.

Politicians work for US, not for the large private corporations.

Don’t let the Tories back in for another 4 years – they’re millionaires.

They don’t have the same day to day problems as you & I.

Please, please take the time to go out and vote for the party that will look after it’s citizens.

Vote Labour!

To you, to me, to you, to me

 

Do you know that you can fit a welsh dresser in a Zafira?

Well, you can.

So of course a 6′ book case should be no problem, right?

Wrong.

Do you know WHY you can fit in a welsh dresser and not a bookcase?

Because the dresser splits in half.

So, this morning, me, my Zafira and my long suffering Daughter headed off to pick up the bargain of a bookcase that I’d bought from a selling site.

I arrive.

Lovely bookcase.

The gentleman of the house, hauls it to my car, with his wife following behind with the shelves.

It’s at this point that I discovered that the bookcase wasn’t going to fit AND allow me to close the boot.

Well, I was here now. may as well give it a try.

We pushed, we pulled, we tilted.

Nothing.

Eventually, with a piece of wire left in the car from the previous madcap idea,

The one when I decided i could get a fridge freezer transported to my already ‘standing room only’ house, the gentleman , lying under the car, managed to get the boot tied down.

i set off, cautiously at first.

Oh this is fine i thought.

I’ll take the back roads and drive slowly, i thought.

This was going according to plan, when I hit the road, leading towards the Botanical Gardens,

We heard a noise behind us.

We looked at each other and decided it was nothing.

We swung round the bend and the very clear sound of a thud was audible.

I pulled over outside a girls school and got out of the car.

Sure enough, a shelf was lying on the curb, about 10 feet away.

This prompts em the think maybe i should check the other thud.

I count the shelf.

Definitely one short.

I walk back to where we heard the first noise.

It was a bit further than I thought and i hadn’t had the presence of mind to grab my crutch.

So, walking like the little mermaid when her feet feel like razor blades, I spy the shelf.

it’s lying in the middle of a painted yellow junction and there is traffic coming from all directions.

I manage to hobble into the centre and grab my prize.

I then slunk back to my car, drivers eyes upon me.

I relocated the shelves to the centre of the bookshelf and continued on my journey

I mean ffs it’s only Monday!

 

Going, going, gone?

Not so long ago, but a long time ago I discovered I was good at something.

For possibly the first time in my life, I had a talent.

A discernible talent.

Visible for all to see and to taste.

What had started off as a money saving measure for Christmas has since become a way of life.

It didn’t happen overnight, I worked so damn hard to achieve my goal.

But I’ve done it .

I have success in my chosen field.

I’ve met people I would never have normally come into contact with.

I’ve made wonderful friends.

And some arseholes.

Sadly, this will happen in any walk of life, but for the main part, the good outweighs the bad.

Last year, at exactly this time of year I had a fall.

I was carrying something reasonably cumbersome when I fell backwards done some stairs.

I threw my stock forward or I would have had several 8oz jars raining on me.

But there was no handrail.

No way to stop myself .

The fall was epic.

I landed with such force that the crack of my head on the concrete was audible.

I lay there for a moment and then I was helped to my feet.

But i couldn’t walk. I hobbled out went home, where after a visit to the Dr, I sat for 4 weeks.

This should have been enough to fix the problem, but the problem refused to be fixed.

I had to cancel engagements;

Things did not improve.

Some time later, when I was back on my feet – with the aid of crutches, i started to work again.

However, the sheer weight of my stock made life very difficult.

I was already suffering with an arthritic knee, where I had slammed my shin into a prone strimmer, while clutching a handful of potatoes.

The second knee  befalling the same fate put life into quite a quandary .

I carried on, I worked events both inside and out, but by the Christmas period last year, I was on my last legs – both of them.

Now the business has a good reputation.

It has assets

AND – it has the RECIPE BOOK.

I fully intend to fulfill all my current obligations, but what I ‘m trying clumsily to say is – DOES ANYONE WANT TO BUY A BUSINESS?

 

 

 

The calm after the storm

Storm Doris.

What can I tell you about storm Doris?

I can tell you that a friend told me that a storm is good for clearing the shit out of your life

Fuck off, I thought to myself.

How can a severe weather phenomenon clear out your life?

but it has.

It’s set in motion a chain of events that are beginning to set me right back on track.

On the morning of the storm, I stood,calmly  looking out of the window as the glass fell from my conservatory.

The roof lifting higher with each gust that came through the gaping hole.

It needed replacing.

It was a house of cards, with each section connected to the next.

The wind blew and the cobwebs cleared from my head.

Next came the skip.

Well, I SAY skip.

It’s a wonderful man who comes and loads it all up and takes it all away.

I highly recommend him.

It means you don’t have to put it off – because YOU don’t need to find the time.

The place looks WONDERFUL!

Next, I decided to change the house around.

So the decorating has begun.

You have to laugh.I’m squeaking with pain every time I move, but it’s going to be SO worth it.

I’m SO happy at the moment.

This is fragile.

The last day I was truly happy was October 25th 2010 and I know that any little thing may snatch it away from me again.

But right now, I’m SO happy.

It feels good